That's what friends are for...sing it Dione!!!!!!!!

having a strange time making up my mind about whether losing the close confidence of a cerain friend should bother me. we've been friends for 12, going on 13 years now. however, right after we became friends, she moved to colorado, then hawaii, then to seattle, and about 5 years ago, landed back here in tulsa. we always kept in touch and everytime that she was in town to see family, we had consistantly hung-out and had always claimed to be best of friends.

but when she got back, i began noticing things about her that i didn't really like. such as... she was extremely needy;needing a ride, needing some cash, needing to go here (but had no car) needing to go there (again the thing with the car), and then when i needed for her to be considerate to me, and help me out or just be there while i was going through some bullshit of my own...she wasn't there. i can remember sitting and listening to her whine about something really, really trivial while i was going through a divorce, thinking how petty and self-centeredshe was. not to mention , the girl is a complete and total slob. and i mean that in every way. her house is a mess, and she is one of those hippies that doesn't shave or use real deodorant either. As i said, things i never knew when she was living 1000 miles away.

so after my divorce, i kind of went into a "just me" mode. me and my 1st husband, and father of my kids, were attepting to glue back together our fractured marriage after three years of separation. with that in hand, my dad gets killed in a horrible auto accident and i REALLY go into "just me" mode, and when I regressed in order to deal with my dad's death, we really came apart.

enter angela. she was the live-in girlfriend of my friends new boyfriend, who is actually another old friend of mine, AND...this is the weird part, she is the ex-best friend of my husband's ex who he left me and my two boys for six years ago. small world, huh? welcome to tulsa. i have known her for 3-4 years now. after my hubby and his ex split; at the same time that i split from my ex, i met her through another mutual friend of whom she was dating at the time. our mutual friend asked me if i was cool with her still being part of the group, since she had become friends with other people besides my ex's (at the time) ex. i said "sure" and met her at a bar with our friend. We partied that night, and i have since been around her quite a bit. it is sort of weird, but nothing that i can't handle.


well, during my past year of solitude, she and my "best" friend became rather close. angela went through a terrible split from her boyfriend and my friend helped her through it. i was, and still am, totally cool with that. As i said previously, she was a little too needy for my taste. so i guess my REAL problem is figuring out if i should feel guilty about not caring whether she and i are best buds or not. On the one hand, it pisses me off. on the other...hey, if she can deal with all of her emotional wants and needs, then so be it.


but maybe there is a part of me that is just plain jealous of their closeness. she and i really never had that. it was and still is a sisterly kind of thing. we act more like sisters than friends. i treat her like an annoying little sister, and she treats me like a bossy big one.
but we did have a history...still do. and i find myself wishing that we could have been as close as they have become.

my friend is now pregnant...and extremely whiney and needy now, heaven help my friend who married her. and angela is looking into taking in a foster baby. she doesn't work, and has no life outside her teenage daughters (her own words), so she has the time to devote to a baby and to ms. preggers.

and there is another layer to this complicated hodge-podge of intersecting lives. the man that she is married to, as previously mentioned, is another very good friend of mine...totally separate from my relationship with the other friend. in fact, while she was gone on her travels, he and i became very close. he is truly one of my closest friends. now, as i watch them become the couple that they are, i am finding myself much more sympathetic towards his point of view, and i cannot be as close to her, because i know what he is thinking and going through. she is, in my opinion, a dificult person to live with and be in a relationship with. while he is much more compliant and easy-going. so i feel my loyalty leaning more in his direction, which drives an even bigger wedge into our friendship.

so on the one hand...i miss the idea of being her best friend...but on the other hand...hhhmmm...not so much the actual day to day need of being her friend. and besides, relationships come and go in cycles. they need each other right now, and it is a good thing that they can be there for one another.


but I have a feeling that ole angela will be seeing how difficult it is to remain her whining post pretty soon anyway... am i a bitch or what??