Ten years gone and I am back again!!!!

Lee and I received some fabulous news yesterday. We are closing on this house, Tuesday, December 19th!! For some, this may not be as out of the ordinary as it is for us. But let me explain. First of all, we have been haggling with the old woman who owns this place for over a year and a half! She accepted our offer, and has refused to compromise or budge so much as an inch ever since. Granted, we are getting a sweet deal- paying ten thousand less than the home appraised for, but we've had to not only do ALL the work, but pay EVERYTHING, even things that were her responsibility...such as the appraisal and paying for the quiet title. But even with all the extra fees thrown in there, we are still coming out ahead.

And it was just yesterday that it dawned on me... as of this year, the boys and I have lived here longer than we have lived anywhere since their dad left 8 years ago. Now for those of you who are new to the Lee and Michelle saga; we were separated for three years, and had even married other people during that separation. The past decade has been wild in the extreme sense of that word.

Allow me to illuminate.

1996- Mom and Dad finish their house on the hill, and Lee and I buy their old place from them...our first home! It wasn't much, but it was ours... plus 7 acres on which we had fabulous gardens each summer.

1997- graduated from college, got my first teaching job. Things were good. That $1200 seemed like a fortune to a gal who hadn't been working a real job...didn't take long for me to figure out how little money that really was. But '97 was a good year.

1998- Aidan was born. Complicated pregnancy, baby in NICU, not good. However, he ended up being healthy as a little tiger cub. After a week in NICU, we took him home. And he officially became a part of Clan Johnson.

1999- In March I discover that my contract won't be renewed thanks to a student taking my words completely out of context, me not knowing my rights, and a corrupt administration in Sperry Public Schools. So, bye-bye paycheck. In June, Lee begins his affair with the band groupie who he will later leave us for in July. In August I get hired by NSU and move to Sperry, (yes the same piss hole town that fired me) so that Devan can stay in school there and not have to tranfer to a Tulsa school. On the bright side...I lost 50 pounds between August and December...yep, happens when your heart is ripped out through your stomach. Can't hold down a thing.

2000- Rang in the New Year with friends, who were fabulous to me through the whole Lee experience. Bought new size 6 clothes to wear on my new skinny bod. And moved to a new, extremely kick-ass home that my dad had procured for me in one of his land grabs. A beautiful 2 bedroom home in the country sitting on the most beautiful 2.5 acres complete with a stream that ran throuhg my property. It truly was a blessing. I spent my week vacation from NSU moving my entire household. That week, I discovered that even though I lived close to the town of Sperry, we didn't live in Sperry School District...we lived in Sand Springs. So one day during my move, I go to enroll Devan in SSPS. As I was waiting for the secretary to come back from lunch, I was looking at the bulletin board and saw a notice for an English teacher position in their district. I called the number listed, and was granted an immediate interview. I drove to the junior high (it was for 9th grade English), interviewed in my cut-off shorts and wife-beater t-shirt, and got the job, under one condition- I must pass the Speech, Drama, Debate certification test. No Problem!!! So began my career at SSPS, and so ends 2000.

2001- Until now I haven't mentioned Lee and his coming and goings. For the past 2 years at this point, he has been in and out of the picture. He would come stay with me and the boys for 2-3 weeks, then vanish again. After his last attempt to come home in 2000, I vowed to end it with him. He was only coming back because I was allowing it. So when I went to Seattle that summer to see my friend, Shelni, I took with me items to represent the things that I wanted to rid myself of. I envisioned myself throwing those objects into the Pacific Ocean and leaving them behind forever. My vision could not even come close to how that really played out. Needless to say, the trip was the most magical and I LOVE THE GREAT NORTHWEST!!! Three weeks upon my return home, I met Joel Jackson. And he and I fell hard and fast into our doomed relationship. Because even though I had decided to leave Lee on the Olympic Peninsula, that did not mean that I didn't still love him with my entire being. But that first rush of hormones when one falls for another is a powerful aphrodisiac, and I truly thought that Joel was the one to replace Lee in everyway. He wasn't. We move into his house in September.

2002- In spite of nagging doubts, I marry Joel. We were already having problems, but I was afraid to be alone again. The single mom thing was HARD, and Joel's family was well off financially. Our wedding present from my mom and dad...coffee mugs. Our gift from his parents...a new house in a NICE neighborhood. I couldn't believe it!! We move-in in March, and by July are already talking separation. I should have known that a single man of his age HAD to have problems...I wasn't even half prepared for what life with Joel would be like. He hid so much about himself from me and had lied to me about so many things, that as they came to the surface, I was extremely angry. Then he refused marriage counceling...I felt trapped and resentful. The boys suffered at home. Can you imagine being 3 and 9 years old and having to tip-toe around an angry bear all the time? But Joel's parents were the grandparents that dreams are made of. They LOVED my sons and treated them as if they were their own. For that reason I stayed. I absolutely could not rationalize taking them away from such loving people.

2003- Early in the year, I get a call from Lee. He is leaving his wife. We start talking again, but I am keeping him at a safe distance. Things with Joel are worse. He rages or sleeps. There was no middle. And he knew how much I really wanted out. Miserable. I was miserable. And still in-love with Lee. In September my friend Shari calls and tells me that Lee has left the band groupie and is living at Dan's house. She says that he talks of nothing but wanting to have his family back, but doesn't wish to mess up what I have, and doesn't want to bring chaos into the boys lives anymore, so he doesn't call. And even though Dan is a dear friend of mine, because Lee is there, I won't call or go over. I was terrified of seeing him in that context. It was different when he was picking up the boys as their non-custodial parent, but as a single person again, and a single person with interest in me...AAAGHHH!!! So we go for 10 weeks without so much as a phone call. We were both terrified of contact. Our feelings for each other were still so strong, that we both knew if we saw or spoke to each other...that would be it. Thanksgiving Break arrives and as a favor for my brother, I agree to go to Dan's to pick up provisions for our trip up home. I pull up in front of the house, and Lee steps onto the porch. The rest is history. I go home that night and tell Joel that I am leaving. I was still -in-love with Lee and couldn't be with him anymore. In December the boys and I move-in with my sister Amy.

2004- Lee joins us in Terlton at Amy's. We spend Jan.-May at her house living in Lizzie's old bedroom and having a spectacular time becoming a family again. Amy had never really known Lee that well before, due to her and Bob living so far away. She was surprised to say the least. And you just have to know Lee to know why. He is a riot. Acts a lot like my dad and my brother...so they got along instantly!! In May we move into the house that dad had "set-up" for us. That ended badly. Come to find out, Dad had been making bad, alcohol induced decisions again, such as having an affair with a crank whore, and had nearly ruined him and mom financially. And the home that he "sold" us...did not belong to him. The people who did own it demanded to have it back, and so we had to find a new home. We ended up about $15,000 dollars in debt due to that fiasco, and I was VERY pissed off at my dad. But we ended up here...back in Skiatook. We figured since we could live anywhere we wanted, why not move back home. Lee's family is from here and this is the town that I ended up in when I was in high school. Graduated from here and everything. So we find a house for rent and move.

2005- We discover that this home is for sale. We begin the long and arduous journey of procurring financing. But in July I realize that in order to come out from under the $15,000 in debt, (which by this time,thanks to interest, was now like $22,000) I needed to file for bankruptcy. All the loans were in my name, so Lee's credit was not affected. But he was still climbing out of the deep hole that he had dug for himself while on his own, so financing this home would have to wait. My mom filed for a divorce and my dad's slide into the deep accelerated. In November he was hit and killed while crossing the street in front of St.John's hospital. I went dormant...couldn't really deal with much other than sorting through my feelings towards my dad and how his alcoholism had destroyed our family...over and over and over again. Interestingly, Lee and I become closer than ever. As I went into shut-down mode, he takes over and becomes a better and stronger man than I have ever known.

2006- Stability. A foriegn word to me. And I mean that in every sense. I never had it growing up and really thought that I didn't deserve it. On 06-06-06, we received the worst news ever...Jimmy Lee Johnson, Lee's dad, and one of the most wonderful people I have ever known, was dead. And although the greif was great and our lives were forever altered, his departure ended up being the catalyst for us. Not only did Lee's development as a conscious being, who wished only to be the man that he dad had been, really kicked in, but his dad had left this world with a number of large insurance policies. Lee's mom was financially better off than she ever had been before. In August, my friend Pam called and suggested that we try to get financing through her mortgage company. I tell her it probably wasn't possible...I wasn't even a year out of bankruptcy. But she needed practice and so we were her guinia pigs at her new job as a loan officer. After weeks of trying numerous combinations of filings, she finds a lender who will finance us. Lee's credit had improved enough in the past year to get the loan without me, and his mom promised to help us with the down payment.

So my children, here we are. We close in less than 3 days, and for the first time since I was 5 years old, I finally feel safe. My life has been a wild ride, and I am sometimes amazed at where I am, So as you can see, what may be an insignificant event, buying a tract house in a middle-income neighborhood in a hick Oklahoma town, is like the most incredible thing that has EVER happened to me.

...another week begins.

well...it is monday morning, again. *sob* the weekend flew by, especially yesterday. had to do some xmas shopping, so i call my pal shelni and we head to the mall. our trip lasted only about an hour because #1 she is pregnant, and #2 she saw her boss there and freaked out. it seems as if she left work early to get rested up and thought it a big deal that he saw her at the mall. so, i took her home and then went to wal-mart to pick up the supplies to make the presents for my secret santa person. i picked up blank cd's and a couple of chocolate surprises too.

then yesterday i spent ALL DAY at the computer making all five presents. i know that most people don't go to all this trouble for a work place secret santa...but i love making things and getting to be creative. so i made her two christmas cd's complete with cute labels and cover art. i also made her some christmas cards using mary engelbreit artwork. those turned out really cute! I'm giving those to her today.

but most of my time was spent dealing with printer issues. the ink in my printer was dried up, so i went to wal-mart to buy new cartridges. much to my shock and dismay, a brand freaking new printer costs LESS than buying two new cartridges! so, i do what i think will save me $$...i buy a new printer. get it home, along with the other gift type presents, and upon installation, discover that the fucking thing doesn't come with black ink!! i shit you not! so lee is like, "take it back" and i'm like, "ok" where is the receipt?? nowhere to be found. when i purchased the printer and the PS2 that we are getting Dev for xmas, i paid for them in the back at electronics, so i left the receipt on the box for the door person to see as i was leaving. that reciept ended up in another's possession and i ended up having to buy ink anyway. which ran out after only two cd cases and labels...bill gated IS the devil. i'd be doing philanthropy too if i was ripping off the average joe the way that man is. karma gonna getcha!!

but i got a good head-start on my xmas gifts. i really only have my nieces and nephews left to buy for now. i have so stinking many of them that it is dollar general time my friends! hell, even if i only spent $10 per kid, i'm getting hit for over $100! them people need to stop having kids!! but all others have been purchased and some even wrapped up. got all the family photos put in frames to give as gifts, and even started cutting the others apart to hand out.

now it is monday. and i really must be getting in the shower. this is the last full week before xmas break...woo-hoo!! and i have a couple of parties to attend soon, so adios me amigos!!

Maybe I over-reacted....not me???

well, after posting my rant on my stinky friend (am i a bitch or what?) I decided to invite her to go x-mas shopping with me this saturday. and she...to my surprise, actually said "yes". i do like hanging out with her. and she and i do have this taurus connection (taurus is her sun sign;my moon sign), where we are both into creature comforts...food, cute clothes, decorating, etc... as she has said before of our freindship, michelle is my girlie-girlfriend.

been kinda torn about going to see the cowboys play in shreveport. i know several people who are going down, and i know that we could stay with them in their room if we needed to. but i just cannot get excited about it. besides we are already into basketball season (my fav) and i would rather go on a trip to watch the cowboys play b-ball anyday!! so we probably won't go. besides i've been there...pretty nasty town if you ask me. how they ended up with an arena to host a bowl game is besides me!

i have to make a comment about something that an acquaintance posted on my myspace page. i LOVE christmas! i am a winter person anyway and can do completely without summer in general. now...i know that the holiday has been commercialized, and that some choose not to celebrate it for that reason. i undersatnd and respect their p.o.v. but that is not what it is ALL about. there are the smells; ginger, cinnamon, cookies baking, pine trees, and eggnog. there are the family gatherings, parties, and general revelry. and of course...the gifts. and one does not have to go overboard. we can't and don't. lee and i spend what we can. we don't charge our christmas to credit cards and don't spend our bill money on trying to keep up with the standards set by others. however, some people cannot help pointing out their discord to others where the holiday is concerned.

this acquaintance is, and as long as i have known her, the most clinically depressed person i know. she is a song writer and is the front person of a local band where she gets to rant and whine about all the injustices in her small little world. and i will say that even though we have differing points of view, she is interesting to hang-out with, being highly intelligent. so she is a "friend" on my myspace group therefore when i send out messages, she gets one. i sent out, a few days ago, one of those stupid questionaires about christmas. i acknowledge that they are ridiculous, but from time to time i will repost one for the fun of it. as i said, i love christmas and love spreading the holiday cheer. some may read it; most people just ignore it. she, on the other hand, replies in a very shitty way. "i hate xmas...but hey knock yourself out." as if i expected her to like ANYTHING! so i replied that i would be taking her off my xmas card list.

why do cynical people feel the need to bring the rest of the world down to their level? this chick's music is pretty much nothing but that. "i'm right and you are all idiots because you don't see the world from my superior p.o.v." no wonder she hasn't succeeded in the music business, despite nearly 3 decades of trying. her music is condescending. i go to watch their drummer. he's my friend and is ackowledged to be THE best drummer in tulsa. it is a blast to watch him play. he's got that ringo head bob-thing going on, and is just incredible. he can do amazing things on his drum kit.

well, tonight we got finalize the last detail on the contract for deed to buy this house. this has been a nighmare, and with luck and prayers, it will be over next week. lee and i will be the owners of this house. hurray!!! finally!!! we have been working on this for a year now! and we are SO close to this being over! then it is off to watch devan play b-ball! this is his first game-ever and we are SO proud of him!

That's what friends are for...sing it Dione!!!!!!!!

having a strange time making up my mind about whether losing the close confidence of a cerain friend should bother me. we've been friends for 12, going on 13 years now. however, right after we became friends, she moved to colorado, then hawaii, then to seattle, and about 5 years ago, landed back here in tulsa. we always kept in touch and everytime that she was in town to see family, we had consistantly hung-out and had always claimed to be best of friends.

but when she got back, i began noticing things about her that i didn't really like. such as... she was extremely needy;needing a ride, needing some cash, needing to go here (but had no car) needing to go there (again the thing with the car), and then when i needed for her to be considerate to me, and help me out or just be there while i was going through some bullshit of my own...she wasn't there. i can remember sitting and listening to her whine about something really, really trivial while i was going through a divorce, thinking how petty and self-centeredshe was. not to mention , the girl is a complete and total slob. and i mean that in every way. her house is a mess, and she is one of those hippies that doesn't shave or use real deodorant either. As i said, things i never knew when she was living 1000 miles away.

so after my divorce, i kind of went into a "just me" mode. me and my 1st husband, and father of my kids, were attepting to glue back together our fractured marriage after three years of separation. with that in hand, my dad gets killed in a horrible auto accident and i REALLY go into "just me" mode, and when I regressed in order to deal with my dad's death, we really came apart.

enter angela. she was the live-in girlfriend of my friends new boyfriend, who is actually another old friend of mine, AND...this is the weird part, she is the ex-best friend of my husband's ex who he left me and my two boys for six years ago. small world, huh? welcome to tulsa. i have known her for 3-4 years now. after my hubby and his ex split; at the same time that i split from my ex, i met her through another mutual friend of whom she was dating at the time. our mutual friend asked me if i was cool with her still being part of the group, since she had become friends with other people besides my ex's (at the time) ex. i said "sure" and met her at a bar with our friend. We partied that night, and i have since been around her quite a bit. it is sort of weird, but nothing that i can't handle.


well, during my past year of solitude, she and my "best" friend became rather close. angela went through a terrible split from her boyfriend and my friend helped her through it. i was, and still am, totally cool with that. As i said previously, she was a little too needy for my taste. so i guess my REAL problem is figuring out if i should feel guilty about not caring whether she and i are best buds or not. On the one hand, it pisses me off. on the other...hey, if she can deal with all of her emotional wants and needs, then so be it.


but maybe there is a part of me that is just plain jealous of their closeness. she and i really never had that. it was and still is a sisterly kind of thing. we act more like sisters than friends. i treat her like an annoying little sister, and she treats me like a bossy big one.
but we did have a history...still do. and i find myself wishing that we could have been as close as they have become.

my friend is now pregnant...and extremely whiney and needy now, heaven help my friend who married her. and angela is looking into taking in a foster baby. she doesn't work, and has no life outside her teenage daughters (her own words), so she has the time to devote to a baby and to ms. preggers.

and there is another layer to this complicated hodge-podge of intersecting lives. the man that she is married to, as previously mentioned, is another very good friend of mine...totally separate from my relationship with the other friend. in fact, while she was gone on her travels, he and i became very close. he is truly one of my closest friends. now, as i watch them become the couple that they are, i am finding myself much more sympathetic towards his point of view, and i cannot be as close to her, because i know what he is thinking and going through. she is, in my opinion, a dificult person to live with and be in a relationship with. while he is much more compliant and easy-going. so i feel my loyalty leaning more in his direction, which drives an even bigger wedge into our friendship.

so on the one hand...i miss the idea of being her best friend...but on the other hand...hhhmmm...not so much the actual day to day need of being her friend. and besides, relationships come and go in cycles. they need each other right now, and it is a good thing that they can be there for one another.


but I have a feeling that ole angela will be seeing how difficult it is to remain her whining post pretty soon anyway... am i a bitch or what??

Thought I'd blog somewhere else...

Already have one of these..but thinking of doing most of my blogging here instead of myspace. I do love myspace though...great networking possibilities!

Currently enjoying some quiet time before the herd wakes up. I have been stuck inside this house with my DH, and my two sons for 4 days now!!! Snowed here in OK., and we have been held hostage by its remnants. Been out twice...both times to Wal-Mart which looked like the End Days were upon it. Seriously paid $10 for a pack of toilet paper!!! It has lotion on it and smells like Winterberry!! No shit! Ha/Ha!! But it was all Wal-Mart had left. The trucks haven't made it to Skiatook since Wed.! It was chaos! The whole freaking town packed into one store, with nothing to sell. Interesting to say the least.

But today is the last day of my unexpected vacation. Been out of school since Wed., and it is now Sunday. Tomorrow will be business as usual. The roads will be clear and I can get to work. But hey...only 13 teaching days until Christmas Break!! Whoo-hoo!! Seriously...it is almost worth the pitiful paycheck for all the breaks we get! And it is the ONLY consideration that I give when thinking about work in the private sector. But the whole classroom thing is getting way too Big Brotherish. I feel it in my bones...I need to get out before BB finds a reason to remove me. Paranoia or just sharp perception?? You be the judge. OK...Why is my font blue???? And where did the underline come from??? Must investigate further.